Category: Managing Self Limiting Thoughts

The Oil that Can Cure Migraines, Anxiety, Depressions, and Even Cancer

Frankincense oil is the King of Oils

Frankincense oil is known as the King of Oils – and it truly deserves this title. I use it daily to promote my health and if I ever had to choose just one oil to have, it would be frankincense. Frankincense has a long history of being used as a prized and precious essential oil. Historically it was used by the Babylonians, Assyrians and Egyptians in religious ceremonies, and as a resin for balms and salves. And of course, the three wise men brought frankincense to the baby Jesus as an offering.

Frankincense is taken from Boswellias when it is extracted from the bark of the tree. The milky-white sap will quickly harden to a resin and then be scraped off the tree in the form of pear-shaped droplets. The color and quality of this resin varies greatly, from the highest quality (clear and silvery in color) to the lowest (of a brown-yellow hue).

Today, the essential oil, acquired by steam distillation of the resin, is widely used and holds great therapeutic value.

The following uses of Frankincense are based upon my own personal experience.

1. Help with wounds from cuts, scrapes, and burns.  For even greater benefit, apply Lavender essential oil first then layer Frankincense on top.  The combination of these two oils together is amazing when it comes to helping with wounds. (where to find) 

2. Neurological support.

Frankincense is probably the best oil I know of for neurological support. It helps with the function of the central nervous system in particular. Whether it’s helping with clarity of thinking, or balancing the emotions, frankincense has a lot of benefits to offer.

3. Reduce and fade scars.  Just combine 2-3 drops of frankincense oil with coconut oil, and directly apply it on your skin.

4. Foster strong immune system.  Massage a few drops into the balls of your feet daily to boost your immune system. You can also diffuse it throughout your home or in your bedroom at night.

5. Reduce stress and anxious feelings.

Frankincense oil promotes relaxation and feeling of calm. You can simply rub a few drops mixed in a carrier oil on the back of the neck when you feel stressed.

6. Hormones and Memory

Frankincense can help balance hormones and improve memory.

7. Aging skin.   Mix a few drops of the Frankincense with unscented oil (like coconut) and apply to your skin. You can also add a drop of Frank to your daily moisturizer.

8. Head tension.  Frankincense can be used to relieve conditions where pain and tension are present.

9. Congestion.  Put up to six drops in a sink or bowl filled with very hot water then bend over the sink with a towel draped over your head to contain the steam. Breathe in the vapors for at least five minutes, adding more hot water as needed.  Be careful not to scald yourself; the water should be hot, not boiling.

10. Relieve itching.  A single drop applied to the affected area will bring immediate relief.

11. Relieve joint pain and swelling.  Mix with a carrier and rub into aching joints at night before bed and throughout the day,

12. Clear up problem skin.  Dab one drop on stubborn spots morning and night.

13. Relaxation.  Add 5 or 6 drops to a diffuser and breath in the oil to open the senses and create a calming atmosphere. To elevate your mood a few drops – as a perfume – works well.

14. Remove moles, skin tags, and warts.  Apply a single drop 3 or 4 times a day until gone.

15. Enhance vision.  Put 1-2 drops of Frankincense in your hand and then  rub your index finger in the oil and rub it onto each of your temple.  It can provide greater clarity to your vision and bring everything into greater focus.

16. Remove musty odors.  Place a couple of drops in a small dish of water and the room will take on a much fresher smell.

17. Oral Health: Useful as preventative measure against oral health problems such as bad breath, toothaches, cavities, canker sores, and other infections. Try mixing with baking soda and coconut oil to make your own toothpaste.

18. Promote sleep  Diffuse frankincense at bedtime to help you slow down your breathing and relieve nervous tension and anxiety.  You will sleep like a baby!

19. Enhance the efficacy of other essential oils.   Layer Frankincense over other essential oil to enhance that oil’s properties and drive the oils deeper into the cells.

July 14, 2016 by

9 Habits of Creative Genius

Creative Genius 2

Article by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

“Everyone is born a genius, but the process of living de-geniuses them.” — Buckminster Fuller

Genius is a potential that lives within you and every other human being. You have many moments of genius in your lifetime. These are the times when you have a uniquely brilliant idea and implement it even if only you are aware of how fantastic it is. Perhaps you created something absolutely astonishing and you even amazed yourself. Then there are the moments when you make exactly the right shot in a round of golf or a tennis match and you realize with immense pleasure what you’ve just accomplished. You are a genius.

There is no such thing as luck or accidents in this purposeful universe. Not only is everything connected to everything else, but no one is excluded from the universal Source called intention. And genius, since it’s a characteristic of the universal Source, must be universal, which means that it’s in no way restricted. It’s available to every single human being. It certainly can and does show up differently in every single one of us.

There are 9 habits of creative genius you can cultivate in your daily life that will help you to develop a deeper awareness of your connection to this ever-present Source of all that is. The qualities of creativity and genius are within you, awaiting your decision to match up with the power of intention.

Habit 1: Declare Yourself to Be a Genius!

This shouldn’t be a public pronouncement, but a statement of intention between you and your Creator. Remind yourself that you’re one of the masterpieces that emanated from the universal field of intention. You don’t have to prove that you’re a genius, nor do you need to compare any of your accomplishments to those of others. You have a unique gift to offer this world, and you are unique in the entire history of creation.

Habit 2: Pay Attention to Your Thoughts

Make a decision to listen more carefully to your inner insights, no matter how small or insignificant you may have previously judged them to be. These thoughts, which you may have viewed as silly or unworthy of attention, are your private connection to the field of intention. Thoughts that seem to persist, particularly if they relate to new activities and adventures, aren’t in your mind accidentally. Those tenacious thoughts that don’t go away should be viewed by you as intention talking to you, saying, You signed up to express your unique brilliance, so why do you keep ignoring the genius in favor of settling for less?

Habit 3: Step Boldly in the Direction of Your Inner Intuitive Inclinations

Take constructive action toward implementing your inner intuitive inclinations. Any step in the direction of expressing your creative impulses is a step in the direction of actualizing the genius that resides within you—for example, writing a book, regardless of how you may have doubted yourself up until now; recording a CD of yourself reading poetry or singing the songs you’ve written; purchasing an easel and art supplies and spending an afternoon painting; or visiting an expert in the field that interests you.

Habit 4: Believe in the Validity of Your Thoughts

Know that any and all thoughts that you have regarding your own skills, interests, and inclinations are valid. To reinforce the validity of your thoughts, keep them private. Tell yourself that they’re between you and God. If you keep them in the spiritual domain, you don’t have to introduce them to your ego or expose them to the egos of those around you. This means that you’ll never have to compromise them by explaining and defending them to others.

Habit 5: Cultivate Gratitude, Be an Appreciator of Life

Remind yourself that aligning with spiritual energy is how you will find and convey the genius within you. Shift your energy to harmonize vibrationally with the energy of Source. Be an appreciator of life, and refuse to have thoughts of hatred, anxiety, anger and judgment. Trust yourself as a piece of God and your genius will flourish.

Any step in the direction of expressing your creative impulses is a step in the direction of actualizing the genius that resides within you. — Dr. Wayne Dyer

Habit 6: Achieve a State of Child-like Wonderment

Practice radical humility. Take no credit for your talents, intellectual abilities, aptitudes, or proficiencies. Be in a state of awe and bewilderment. Even as I sit here with my pen in my hand, observing how words appear before me, I’m in a state of bewilderment. Where do these words come from? How does my hand know how to translate my invisible thoughts into decipherable words, sentences, and paragraphs? I’m humble in my inability to know where any of my accomplishments come from. Practice radical humility, and give credit everywhere except to your ego.

Habit 7: Remove Doubt and Resistance

Remove resistance to actualizing your genius. Resistance always shows up in the form of your thoughts. Watch for thoughts that convey your inability to think of yourself in genius terms . . . thoughts of doubt about your abilities . . . or thoughts that reinforce what you’ve been taught about a lack of talent or lack of aptitude. Your Source knows that you’re a genius. Any thought you have that challenges this notion is resistance, which will inhibit you from realizing your intention.

Habit 8: Look for the Genius in Others

Pay attention to the greatness you observe in as many people as possible, and if you don’t see it at first, then spend some mental energy looking for it. The more you’re inclined to think in genius terms, the more natural it becomes for you to apply the same standards to yourself. Tell others about their genius. Be as complimentary and authentic as you can. In doing so, you’ll radiate loving, kind, abundant, creative energy. In a universe that operates on energy and attraction, you’ll find these same qualities returning to you.

Habit 9: Simplify Your Life

Take the complications, rules, shoulds, musts, have tos, and so on out of your life. By uncomplicating your life and removing the trivial pursuits that occupy so much of it, you open a channel for the genius within you to emerge. One of the most effective techniques for simplifying life is to take time each day to spend 20 or so minutes in silence and meditation. The more conscious contact you make with your Source, the more you come to appreciate your own highest self. And it’s from this highest self that your own genius will be manifested.

How to Maintain Your Connection to Creative Genius

As you begin to recognize evidence of inspiration and Source all around you, remain humble while staying in a state of gratitude. This genius that you are has nothing at all to do with your ego-mind. Be ever so grateful to the Source of intention for providing you with the life force to express the genius that resides within you. Those who attribute their inspiration and success to their ego soon lose this capacity, or they allow the approval and attention of others to destroy them. Remain humble and grateful. Gratitude is a sacred space where you allow and know that a force greater than your ego is always at work and always available.

Read the entire article and comments at:

http://www.drwaynedyer.com/blog/9-habits-creative-genius/

Dr. Wayne Dyer has written over 20 bestsellers on many spiritual topics, including making the shift to connect to Source, keeping the balance in your life, and bringing about your desires with the power of intention.

 

 

How To Ruin Your Life (Without Noticing)

Erin Kelly
Photo By: Erin Kelly
Understand that life is not a straight line. Life is not a set timeline of milestones. It is okay if you don’t finish school, get married, find a job that supports you, have a family, make money, and live comfortably all by this age, or that age. It’s okay if you do, as long as you understand that if you’re not married by 25, or a Vice President by 30 — or even happy, for that matter — the world isn’t going to condemn you. You are allowed to backtrack. You are allowed to figure out what inspires you. You are allowed time, and I think we often forget that. We choose a program right out of high school because the proper thing to do is to go straight to University. We choose a job right out of University, even if we didn’t love our program, because we just invested time into it. We go to that job every morning because we feel the need to support ourselves abundantly. We take the next step, and the next step, and the next step, thinking that we are fulfilling some checklist for life, and one day we wake up depressed. We wake up stressed out. We feel pressured and don’t know why. That is how you ruin your life.
You ruin your life by choosing the wrong person. What is it with our need to fast-track relationships? Why are we so enamored with the idea of first becoming somebody’s rather than somebodies? Trust me when I say that a love bred out of convenience, a love that blossoms from the need to sleep beside someone, a love that caters to our need for attention rather than passion, is a love that will not inspire you at 6am when you roll over and embrace it. Strive to discover foundational love, the kind of relationship that motivates you to be a better man or woman, the kind of intimacy that is rare rather than right there. “But I don’t want to be alone,” we often exclaim. Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please, I urge you to wait for it, to fight for it, to make an effort for it if you have already found it, because it is the most beautiful thing your heart will experience.
You ruin your life by letting your past govern it. It is common for certain things in life to happen to you. There will be heartbreak, confusion, days where you feel like you aren’t special or purposeful. There are moments that will stay with you, words that will stick. You cannot let these define you – they were simply moments, they were simply words. If you allow for every negative event in your life to outline how you view yourself, you will view the world around you negatively. You will miss out on opportunities because you didn’t get that promotion five years ago, convincing yourself that you were stupid. You will miss out on affection because you assumed your past love left you because you weren’t good enough, and now you don’t believe the man or the woman who urges you to believe you are. This is a cyclic, self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your future with that lens, and nothing will be able to breach that judgment. You will keep on justifying, reliving, and fueling a perception that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.
You ruin your life when you compare yourself to others. The amount of Instagram followers you have does not decrease or increase your value. The amount of money in your bank account will not influence your compassion, your intelligence, or your happiness. The person who has two times more possessions than you does not have double the bliss, or double the merit. We get caught up in what our friends are liking, who our significant others are following, and at the end of the day this not only ruins our lives, but it also ruins us. It creates within us this need to feel important, and in many cases we often put others down to achieve that.You ruin your life by desensitizing yourself. We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us.
Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know that she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how, you love. There is courage in that.You ruin your life by tolerating it. At the end of the day you should be excited to be alive. When you settle for anything less than what you innately desire, you destroy the possibility that lives inside of you, and in that way you cheat both yourself and the world of your potential. The next Michelangelo could be sitting behind a Macbook right now writing an invoice for paperclips, because it pays the bills, or because it is comfortable, or because he can tolerate it. Do not let this happen to you. Do not ruin your life this way. Life and work, and life and love, are not irrespective of each other. They are intrinsically linked. We have to strive to do extraordinary work, we have to strive to find extraordinary love. Only then will we tap into an extraordinarily blissful life.

Bianca Sparacino

The Successful Optimist

Possible Not Impossible

Why the language you use makes a difference

 

Glass half-empty or half-full? Does it really matter? As it turns out, it does matter how you explain that glass and the world around you. Those who explain things one way are better salespeople, have less depression and are more motivated than those who see things the opposite way. The good news is that if you can recognize your language pattern, you can do something about it and actually change how you respond.

It’s about a thing called your explanatory style, and Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman has conducted more than 600 studies that prove that optimistic explanations get you the good stuff, while pessimistic ones will often end exactly how you predict them to–badly. Here are a few things essential to understanding the science around explanatory style:

  1. Optimists make more money and are more loyal. In a study with life insurance agents, Seligman found that the most optimistic salespeople sold 88 percent more than the most pessimistic ones. The study also indicated that agents in the least optimistic quarter were three times likelier to quit than agents in the most optimistic quarter. Other studies have shown that this data is consistent with findings in other business categories.
  2. The optimist with high reality testing is a gold mine. Optimism is not about fooling yourself and being all rosy; it is about seeing options to reality–i.e., being an “optionist.” That requires having a good lock on what is actually happening. To be a successful optimist, you must also have an accurate barometer on reality. If you are correct about reality, you can become an excellent “optionist.” Most people think of optimists as flaky nonrealists, which they can be if their perception of reality is distorted. If you are an optimist based in realism, you are statistically more likely to make more money.
  3. Pessimists are more accurate about reality than optimists. When good things happen, pessimists are accurate. When bad things happen, again they are accurate. For the optimist, when good things happen, they are accurate; but when bad things happen, they are less accurate. Therein lies the gift they have. Optimists think that there are more options when bad things happen. So they try different things in order to get out of a jam. Serious pessimists usually give up once they think the outcome is foretold.
  4. There is nothing wrong with being a pessimist. If your job requires high accuracy, pessimism may actually benefit you. Look out for what I explain in the next bullet before you succumb to pessimism, though.
  5. Pessimists are more likely to become depressed than their optimistic counterparts. If an optimist loses a job, it will take, on average, four to six weeks to get back into the hunt. If a pessimist loses a job, it can take three to six months before emerging to see the light.
  6. Optimists keep moving forward because they believe there are options. Pessimists don’t usually persist in the face of setbacks and can be prone to inertia. When salespeople are rejected again and again, it is the optimist who makes another phone call while the pessimist gets down in the mouth and gives up.

optimism

 

The Fix
You’re probably wondering how you go from being a pessimist to an optimist. The fix itself is simple to understand but can be difficult to execute because you’ve been practicing your explanatory style for at least a few decades now. It’s going to take a lot of dedication, a hyper-awareness of how you explain events–primarily bad ones–and a willingness to accept that maybe you are a big negative thinker who has gotten by because you keep a smile plastered on your face while predicting the end of the world. It’s time to get over that and get more out of life and work.

When bad events happen, pessimists tend to explain the calamity as:

  • Permanent –Behind on earnings: “We’re never going to hit our numbers.” The pessimist believes that he’s hit the iceberg, so the team is doomed. There is no point in problem-solving at this point, since the ship is going down anyway.
  • Pervasive –Mad at your accountant: “Accountants are such losers.” This is the tendency to explain all people or things in a category as bad if only one is bad.

A little tweak in explanatory style when bad things happen and you become an optimist:

  • Temporary –Behind on earnings: “This is a bad quarter, but next quarter we have a few things in the pipeline to make up for this quarter.” The optimist looks for options when things are bad, making the situation a temporary negative. This keeps them and others motivated.
  • Specific –Mad at your accountant: “I need to get a new accountant. This one’s not working out.” The optimist doesn’t throw all bad people and things into the same category. They are specific about who or what is bad, and then they go find a good one.

In short, you’re more pessimistic if, when something negative happens, you believe that there are no other options (permanence) or that since there is one rotten apple, all of them are rotten (pervasiveness). It doesn’t take much to see that a pessimist can get depressed in a big hurry with that kind of explanatory style. You can also see how it probably leads to inertia.

The opposite explanation style is found in optimists and pessimists when good events happen. Pessimists think that if something good happens, it’s temporary, explaining that the stars aligned perfectly and probably won’t do so again in our lifetime. On the other hand, optimists are more permanent when explaining good events. They believe that good happens because they have the right ingredients to create that positive event every time. Pessimists are specific about explaining the reason for good events, and when bad things occur, they believe it is pervasive.

It is a choice you get to make. If you don’t think you have a choice, you’re exactly right. Enjoy the misery of it all.

 

Contributor Scott Halford

Five Negative Traits That May Be Pushing People Away

5 Horrible Traits That Push People Away

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

There are certain bad habits that some people have that simply drive others away. As the old saying goes, every person has something good to offer. But for some, it’s when they leave the room. Are people happy when you walk in or overjoyed when you walk out?

Here are five negative traits that push people away, how to recognize if you have them and how to get rid of them for good.

1. You’re a downer.

We’ve all been around these people. They whine, they complain, they talk about how much is going wrong in their lives and they want to tell you every detail of it.

How do you know if it’s you that’s the downer? Pay attention to what you’re talking about the most. Did you complain about traffic as your opening line when you got to your meeting this morning? Did you make sure to tell those around you how little sleep you got last night, how hard you’re working or how busy you are?

If the constant theme of your conversation is whining or negative, you’re probably a bit of a downer to be around. Notice how you are starting conversations with your peers and if the theme is consistently complaining, it’s time to change your tune. Another sign is if your peers take a deep sigh as you approach or consistently respond “uh-huh,” which is a sign they don’t want to engage.

How do you stop it? This is one of the simplest, but hardest to fix. The simple part is all you have to do is stop talking about things that bum you out and make everyone else bummed out, too. Try starting with noticing something nice or good every time you are about to complain. If you’re stuck in traffic, notice something beautiful around and focus on that to talk about with your peers. If you didn’t get much sleep, try not to talk about it. If someone says you look tired, offer a positive response like, “Yeah, I didn’t get a ton of sleep, but wait until I show you how great the project proposal is that I got done!”

There can always be a more positive counterpoint to your complaining. Find it, and try to change the conversation.

2.  You don’t shut up.

Have you ever been around a person who won’t stop talking? Maybe it was a boss, a co-worker, a founder or even a passenger on an airplane. It can feel like bobbing helplessly in the ocean, watching a giant wave come at you that you just know is going to pummel you with a wall of words. You want to take a deep breath, hold on for dear life and suffer through the verbal assault of chattiness.

How can you tell if you’re the ocean wave people are dreading? A few good signs to pay attention to are the airspace you take up in conversations and the reactions people have to your approach. Just like being a downer, when you talk too much, people tend to either scatter as you approach for no apparent reason, or respond in quick “uh-huh” responses to not engage you any further than is necessary.

Do people stand a lot when talking to you? That’s another body language clue they’re looking to get away quick, or aren’t willing to sit, knowing that means you’re going to hold them captive in your conversation. If you find you talk at people instead of with people, that you dominate the majority of every meeting and conversation, guess what? You need to learn how to stop talking so much.

The good news is, just like being a downer, the solution is easy — stop talking! That can be hard for someone used to being a chatterbox. Practical advice is to practice holding your tongue longer. In meetings, try to trade off listening and talking in alternating turns. Share airtime around the table for others to voice their opinions, too. Try counting to three in your head before you speak to make sure you aren’t choking out other voices in the room.

With some practice, you can turn this terrible habit around (and you’ll probably gain a lot of friends back as a result!).

3. You’re distracted.

We all have important things to do in our day, but if you’re the guy or gal that’s always on your phone talking, texting and emailing while others are trying to talk to you, have dinner with you or hold a meeting you’re in — guess what? That’s a horrible habit people hate.

How can you tell if you’re the distracted one? Do you find yourself asking, “what was that again?” often throughout the day? That’s a great sign you aren’t paying attention to others. Do you ever look up from a meeting or conversation and see everyone else is off the phone and laptop except you? If you’re constantly digitally distracted, try leaving the phone, tablet or laptop at home for your next dinner appointment or meeting.

Related: Six Behaviors Business People Loathe

It can be hard to disconnect from your digital devices, but you’ll gain important human connections that you need to garner healthy, happy relationships. Ditch the dirty digital distraction habit and reconnect with individuals, giving them the attention they deserve from you.

4. You’re condescending.

Even if you know more than others, what’s more inspiring: teaching how to get to your level, or talking down to them about theirs? Being condescending is a horrible habit that will alienate others.

How can you tell if you’re condescending? It’s often in others more than you. What does that mean? Look at the people in your life and take stock of how many are better off having known you. Do you mentor others? Have you helped people around you gain skills, knowledge, jobs or in any other way helped to develop others to teach what you know? How many people would come to you for help with a problem or for a question?

Pay attention to the way you treat others. Do you help them, or talk down to them? Do you offer advice when it isn’t asked for (which can be another key sign of condescending, thinking you need to tell others what to do and how to do it)? If these patterns sound familiar, try a change in tone and a change in perspective.

Instead of offering advice, only give it when specifically asked. Stay on topic when asked and don’t make your advice go broader than the request. Try teaching the next time someone makes a mistake instead of berating them.

Patience, an affinity to teaching and some compassion will help you break this horrible habit.

5. You’re insincere.

People can sniff out a fake fast these days. There’s nothing wrong with having an opinion or a perspective that doesn’t match up to everyone else. You don’t have to be fake or insincere about your opinion or others. It’s better to be kind, but honest, than to pretend.

Most people who are insincere either are that way because they’re insecure, which stems from a desire to have everyone like them, or they’re condescending.

If your insincerity comes from insecurity, here are a few ways to tell. Do you worry that saying no or having a different opinion will mean people don’t like you? Do you worry about what others think? Do you constantly go along to get along? The truth is that most people respect a healthy disagreement or can accommodate other perspectives and opinions. You don’t have to be obnoxious or forceful in your opinions, but it’s OK to be sincere about having a different perspective.

A great way to start overcoming this habit of being a contrarian is simply to not offer your opinion at all. When someone tells you something you don’t agree with, try simply saying something neutral such as, “that’s interesting,” and leaving it at that until you build up the confidence to be authentic.

The most important thing is to stop agreeing, or saying yes to things you don’t want to do, don’t believe in or are otherwise faking agreement on. Start slow and you can beat this bad habit.

Contributor Matthew Toren May 28, 2015

10 Business Lessons You can Learn at Bars

10 Business Lessons I Learned at Bars

Back in college and my early 20s (when I actually had a social life), I tended to go out to parties and bars more often than I thought I “should.” My gut often told me that I should probably be studying, reading, exercising, sleeping, networking or otherwise engaging in productive activities that were more likely to directly advance my career. But I went out anyway. Those informal outings with my drinking buddies felt like a fun (and deserved) distraction from work rather than a process of self-development in and of itself.

In retrospect, I now realize how formative those years of partying really were for my career. I learned a ton of social lessons that have tremendously helped me later in life.

Of course, you do not actually have to drink alcohol or go to bars to develop these business socialization skills, but the fast-paced social environment involved in nightlife does provide a great setting for that type of personal development. This is an important lesson for passionate entrepreneurs who become such workaholics that they forget the importance of socialization.

1. Be patient yet persistent.

We’ve all experienced that frustrating moment when the bartender seems to be ignoring us in favor of other customers. Veteran bar patrons handle this impression of rejection by maintaining a visible presence and by making multiple (polite) attempts to gain the bartender’s attention.

Just like in sales or fundraising, people tend to serve our needs better when we project an air of confidence and respectful persistence. Frequent bouts of rejection and recovery build character.

2. Tip the bartender early.

Taking good care of your service providers early in the night is the fastest way to improve your quality of service as the night progresses. This same lesson goes for employees, clients and investors. Recognizing people for their performance (particularly in unexpected ways) will improve both the quality of their work and the strength of your relationship.

3. Fake it ‘til you make it.

At a trendy urban night club, it’s often easy to feel like the shortest, ugliest, poorest, worst-dressed or least cool person in the room. The dirty secret is that every partygoer has felt one of these emotions at some point. People who succeed socially (and in business) don’t necessarily possess all the desired qualities from the outset. They simply succeed in convincing themselves that they are awesome until other people start believing it too.

4. Don’t always go for the most attractive girl (or guy).

One of my favorite scenes from A Beautiful Mind was the bar scene when Russell Crowe’s character explained his game theory epiphany in the context of which woman his friends should flirt with. He cautioned them against going for the most attractive woman at the risk of alienating the other women with whom they had a better chance.

This allegory can be used to illustrate not only game theory but also the “80-20 rule.” Sometimes, rather than playing all your cards targeting the world’s best sales prospect, dating opportunity or venture capitalist, you will attain a higher return on investment by starting with targets that are more “in your league.” Impress other key players until the elites have no choice but to pay attention to you.

5. Pace yourself.

Nobody likes a rookie who drinks too much, pukes and passes out before midnight. Nor does anybody like a manager who is bouncing from one fire-drill emergency to the next, or an employee who procrastinates and then has to cram at the last minute. A more responsible and experienced partier learns to plan ahead, get some food in his or her stomach and drink a glass of water between every other adult beverage.

Moderation builds character. Personal restraint and composure are some of the traits needed to become a poised, collected manager in the face of a crisis or urgent deadline.

6. Double your expense forecasts.

Every battle plan becomes worthless once the first shot is fired. Over time, a veteran partier learns that the statement “I’m only spending $40 tonight and only staying out until midnight” is rarely a promise they can uphold.

Learning that every project ends up taking twice as long and costing twice as much as originally planned can help you choose your projects better and prepare more honest forecasts that you can adhere to. That new project — or night on the town — might not actually be worth the can of worms it might open in the first place.

7. Follow up with new relationships.

Throughout the night at a bar, party or business event, you typically have great conversations with people you’ve never met before. Each of these people could potentially become a friend or important contact — provided that you do the work to follow up.

Whenever you meet someone you like, always remember to ask for their contact info so you can follow up the next day. Send an email, tweet, text, Facebook message, LinkedIn request or whatever is appropriate for the relationship, and come up with some reason to reconnect soon (coffee, a party invite, a bike ride, a phone call, an invitation to play basketball at your local park or maybe even just virtually discussing an article that you thought they might like).

Your success in life is directly proportional to the number of awesome people with whom you are connected.

8. Fail fast.

Sometimes the current bar just isn’t the right fit. The vibe is dead, the band sucks and there’s a smell coming from the bathroom. But half of your friends are only halfway done with their drinks, and the other half figure they’ll order another round while the others finish. The cycle continues until — before you know it — you’ve spent the whole evening at that crappy bar.

A smart partygoer, and manager, can tell when the team is becoming overly committed to a dead-end initiative. She or he knows when and how to convince the group to stop investing in the current solution, before too many resources have been invested in it. “Agile” managers both have more fun and invest their resources more efficiently. They know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em.

9. Take leadership when nobody else will.

There’s nothing worse than asking your friends, “What restaurant do you want to go to?” and getting the collective response “I don’t care, whatever you guys want.” This indifference can dampen a group dynamic pretty quickly. Groups actually want someone to steer decision-making to establish clarity and understanding among members.

Whether in nightlife or in business, you begin to learn that that someone can be you. Learning to take initiative is possibly the largest single contributor to success in life.

10. Designate a voice of reason in your group.

All groups need at least one designated driver to abstain from the Kool-Aid and ensure that the team members make rational decisions. Even with a great, visionary CEO to steer the bar-hopping itinerary, few groups can truly achieve greatness without a sober COO to keep everyone realistic and pragmatic.

Overall, learning to consistently have a fun, efficient and safe night out with your friends can prepare you for a lot of the challenges that can be thrown at you later in life. The best side effect is that you emerge from these youthful social activities with a network based on real friendships.

Whether you are hanging out at bars, playing in sports leagues or participating in a chess club, learning to confidently make the most of your personal relationships will help you become more successful throughout your career.

Andrew Cohen May 19, 2015

How to Transform Your Life in 6 Minutes a Day

Minute 1: S is for silence.

Instead of hitting the snooze button, and then rushing through your day feeling stressed and overwhelmed, invest your first minute in sitting in purposeful silence. Sit quietly, calm and peaceful and breathe deeply. Maybe you meditate. Center yourself and create an optimum state of mind that will lead you effectively through the rest of your day.

Maybe you say a prayer of gratitude and appreciate the moment. As you sit in silence, you quiet your mind, relax your body and allow your stress to melt away. You develop a deeper sense of clarity, purpose, and direction.

Minute 2: A is for Affirmations.

Pull out and read your page of affirmations — written statements that remind you of your unlimited potential, your most important goals and the actions you must take today to achieve them. Reading over reminders of how capable you really are motivates you. Looking over which actions you must take, re-energizes you to focus on doing what’s necessary today to takeyour life to the next level.

Minute 3. V is for visualization.

Close your eyes and visualize what it will look like and feel like when you reach your goals. Seeing your ideal vision increases your belief that it’s possible and your desire to make it a reality.

Minute 4. E is for exercise.

Stand up and move your body for 60 seconds, long enough to increase the flow of blood and oxygen to your brain. You could easily do a minute of jumping jacks, push-ups, or sit-ups. The point is that you raise your heart rate, generate energy and increase your ability to be alert and focused.

Minute 5. R is for reading.

Grab the self-help book you’re currently reading and read one page, maybe two. Learn a new idea, something you can incorporate into your day, which will improve your results at work or in your relationships. Discover something new that you can use to think better, feel better and live better.

Minute 6. S is for scribing.

Pull out your journal and take one minute to write down something you’re grateful for, something you’re proud of and the top one to three results that you’re committed to creating that day. In doing so, you create the clarity and motivation that you need to take action.

Start today.

How would you feel if that’s how you used the first six minutes of each day? How would the quality of your day — and your life — improve? We can all agree that investing a minimum of six minutes into becoming the person that we need to be to create the lives we truly want is not only reasonable. It’s an absolute must.

10 Truths We Forget Too Easily

10 Truths We Forget Too Easily

Image credit: Cactusbeetroot | Flickr

Some of life’s essential truths need repeating. Keep this list handy and give it a read any time you need a boost.

1. Being Busy Does Not Equal Being Productive

Look at everyone around you. They all seem so busy—running from meeting to meeting and firing off emails. Yet how many of them are really producing, really succeeding at a high level?

Success doesn’t come from movement and activity. It comes from focus—from ensuring that your time is used efficiently and productively.

You get the same number of hours in the day as everyone else. Use yours wisely. After all, you’re the product of your output, not your effort. Make certain your efforts are dedicated to tasks that get results.

Related: How Successful People Stay Productive and In Control

2. Great Success Is Often Preceded By Failure

You will never experience true success until you learn to embrace failure. Your mistakes pave the way for you to succeed by revealing when you’re on the wrong path.

The biggest breakthroughs typically come when you’re feeling the most frustrated and the most stuck. It’s this frustration that forces you to think differently, to look outside the box and see the solution that you’ve been missing.

Success takes patience and the ability to maintain a good attitude even while suffering for what you believe in.

3. Fear Is the No. 1 Source of Regret

When it’s all said and done, you will lament the chances you didn’t take far more than you will your failures. Don’t be afraid to take risks.

I often hear people say, “What’s the worst thing that can happen to you? Will it kill you?” Yet, death isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you.

The worst thing that can happen to you is allowing yourself to die inside while you’re still alive.

4. Your Self-Worth Must Come From Within

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own destiny. When you feel good about something that you’ve done, don’t allow anyone’s opinions or accomplishments to take that away from you.

While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

5. You’re Only as Good as Those You Associate With

You should strive to surround yourself with people who inspire you, people who make you want to be better. And you probably do. But what about the people who drag you down? Why do you allow them to be a part of your life?

Anyone who makes you feel worthless, anxious, or uninspired is wasting your time and, quite possibly, making you more like them. Life is too short to associate with people like this. Cut them loose.

6. Life Is Short

None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. Yet, when someone dies unexpectedly it causes us to take stock of our own life: what’s really important, how we spend our time, and how we treat other people.

Loss is a raw, visceral reminder of the frailty of life. It shouldn’t be.

Remind yourself every morning when you wake up that each day is a gift and you’re bound to make the most of the blessing you’ve been given. The moment you start acting like life is a blessing is the moment it will start acting like one.

After all, a great day begins with a great mindset.

Related: Why Leaders Lack Emotional Intelligence

7. You Don’t Have to Wait for an Apology to Forgive

Life goes a lot smoother once you let go of grudges and forgive even those who never said they were sorry. Grudges let negative events from your past ruin today’s happiness. Hate and anger are emotional parasites that destroy your joy in life.

The negative emotions that come with holding on to a grudge create a stress response in your body, and holding on to stress can have devastating health consequences. Researchers at Emory University have shown that holding on to stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease.

When you forgive someone, it doesn’t condone their actions; it simply frees you from being their eternal victim.

8. You’re Living the Life You’ve Created

You are not a victim of circumstance. No one can force you to make decisions and take actions that run contrary to your values and aspirations.

The circumstances you’re living in today are your own—you created them. Likewise, your future is entirely up to you. If you’re feeling stuck, it’s probably because you’re afraid to take the risks necessary to achieve your goals and live your dreams.

When it’s time to take action, remember that it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than at the top of one you don’t.

9. Live in the Moment

You can’t reach your full potential until you learn to live your life in the present.

No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future. It’s impossible to be happy if you’re constantly somewhere else, unable to fully embrace the reality (good or bad) of this very moment.

To help yourself live in the moment, you must do two things:

  1. Accept your past. If you don’t make peace with your past, it will never leave you and, in doing so, it will create your future.
  2. Accept the uncertainty of the future. Worry has no place in the here and now. As Mark Twain once said, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”

10. Change Is Inevitable — Embrace It

Only when you embrace change can you find the good in it. You need to have an open mind and open arms if you’re going to recognize, and capitalize on, the opportunities that change creates.

You’re bound to fail when you keep doing the same things you always have in the hope that ignoring change will make it go away.

After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Life doesn’t stop for anyone. When things are going well, appreciate them and enjoy them, as they are bound to change. If you are always searching for something more, something better, that you think is going to make you happy, you’ll never be present enough to enjoy the great moments before they’re gone.

A version of this article first appeared on TalentSmart.com.

21 Ways to Achieve Wealth and Success

In his book, Rich Habits — The Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals, Tom Corley outlines several habits that distinguish the wealthy from the nonwealthy.

It got me to think, How many people operate on autopilot and don’t stop to monitor their everyday patterns? Below I’ve summarized 19 of his habits for success (nine culled from his book and the next 10 from his recent article in Success) plus two of my own. If you’re not actively engaged in these 21 things, you are, in effect, leaving money on the table.

Related: Conquer Stress and Master Sleep for a Richer Life

1. Setting good daily habits.

Good habits are the foundation of wealth building. The difference between successful and unsuccessful people lies in their daily habits. Simply put, successful people have many good habits and few bad ones. If you understand that your bad habits may be preventing you from becoming wealthy, that realization will be the first step in your improving your circumstances.

In his book, Corley invites you to take out a sheet of paper and list your bad habits in one column and then invert each one to place under a new column for good habits. It should look like this:

Bad Habit/Good Habit

I watch too much TV.             I limit myself to one hour of TV per day.

I don’t remember names.     I write down names and remember them.

Then for 30 days, follow the guidance of your new good habits list. You’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish.

2. Regularly creating goals.

Successful people are goal driven. They create goals all the time. They plan their day the night before with to-do lists.

People who are headed for success think for the long term. They have daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals. But what’s a goal without a plan to reach them? So not only do successful people have goals, they also come up with ways to achieve them and hold themselves accountable.

3. Engaging in self-improvement daily.

Successful people are always looking for ways to improve themselves. They read every day and are students of their profession. They don’t spend their time on activities that don’t bring them closer to their goals.

I recently attended an event hosted by author Brendon Burchard, who said he consistently blocks out time to create. Successful people like Burchard know that time is too valuable a commodity to waste. They spend their time on the things that will move the needle for them in their business: Being committed to self-improvement means you engage in activities every day that will stretch you.

Seek ways to expand your knowledge. This won’t always be easy, but people grow from things that pose a challenge. Once your knowledge grows, opportunities appear.

Related: Arianna Huffington’s Recipe for Success: Unplug, Renew and Recharge.

4. Regularly taking care of personal health.

Each and every day successful people make an effort to eat right and exercise. Eating right is of utmost importance. Exercising daily can become a regular habit, just like taking a bath. People who exercise routinely have more energy to get things done. How are you doing in this area?

5. Often making time for relationship building.

People who are successful are other-people focused. They take time out of their day to strengthen the bonds of friendship and form long-lasting relationships with others. Networking is something they do all the time. They reach out to their contacts and look for ways to help them with no expectation of in return.

The most beautiful sound on Earth, I once heard someone say, is your name. So make it a goal to learn the names of every contact you meet. Aren’t you impressed when someone remembers your name? I know I am. So stand out as different and start remembering names.

6. Doing things in moderation.

You live in a balanced way if you do activities in moderation. This means having a balanced approach to work, eating, exercise, consuming alcohol, watching television, surfing the Internet and so forth. As a result, people will enjoy your company. If people like being around you, then you will be more apt to collaborate or find the new business partner that you need to take your business to the next level.

Related: How Fortune 500 Leaders Spend Every Minute of the Day (Infographic)

7. Getting things done.

Don’t put off to tomorrow what you can do today: Accomplish things. All people have fears, but successful people push past them. They don’t procrastinate. They get the important things done, no matter the cost.

In Rich Habits, Corley explains that when the thought of putting off something enters the mind, immediately shed notion by saying, “Do it now.” He says repeat these words 100 times if necessary. Just don’t stop till the task is done.

8. Keeping a positive outlook.

Consider the most successful person you know. Is that person positive or negative? Most likely this individual is positive, enthusiastic, energetic and happy. This person chooses to see the good in others and in himself or herself. To this person, problems are just opportunities waiting to be uncovered.

Every day people are bombarded by news of bad deeds and doings. Successful people minimize their exposure to this type of thing and instead opt to fill their minds with positive ideas from books and magazines.

9. Regularly saving money.

According to Corley, successful individuals put away about 10 percent to 20 percent of their gross earnings in a savings, investment or retirement plan. Not everyone can afford to do so, but what percent are you putting away?

Related: 8 Money Mistakes to Avoid on Your Way to Being Wealthy 

10. Rejecting self-limiting thoughts.

Successful people command their thoughts and emotions. As soon as bad thoughts intrude, they cast out anything that challenges their ability to succeed at the task at hand. They do not dwell on negative notions. Their self-talk is positive and not overly critical. They replace bad thoughts with good ones.

Because successful people engage in self-improvement daily and are constantly involved in positive things, they don’t allow themselves time to indulge in negative emotions.

11. Living within means.

Wealthy people avoid overspending. Among many of those struggling financially, some are living above their means. They spend more than they earn, live from paycheck to paycheck and are drowning in credit-card debt. If this is you, resolve today to turn things around for you and your family.

12. Reading daily.

Many successful people read 30 minutes or more every day. Reading can increase your knowledge and know-how. When you read, often  you are seeking to improve yourself. This automatically sets you apart from your counterparts. You will stand out from the competition.

13. Limiting TV watching.

Did you know that many successful  people limit the amount their TV time to one hour or less a day? How much time do you lose in front of the television that you could be spending doing something more productive?

14. Doing more than what’s required.

Successful people regularly go above and beyond the call of duty at work. Even if something is not in their job description, they will volunteer to do it. Wealthy people make themselves invaluable. As an entrepreneur, you may not have a boss. But in what ways do you go above and beyond for your clients? How do you wow them?

Related: Smart Leaders Keep Their Ego in Check and Listen In

15. Talking less and listening more.

When you listen, you learn. And as the adage goes, that’s why people have two ears and one mouth. When you take the time to really pay attention to what another person is saying, it can truly help not only you but your bottom line as well. When you listen, you are in a better position to help others.

16. Not giving up.

Don’t give up when the going gets tough. Successful people hang in there. They pivot. They try something new. They persist. They may have to change their direction, but they keep moving forward.

17. Spending time with like-minded ones.

There’s a saying that goes, “Show me who your friends are and I’ll show you who you are.” I believe that. People are only as successful as those they choose to surround themselves with. Good associations can help you more quickly achieve your goals.

Related: What I Learned From Being a Broke, Unemployed Graduate

18. Finding a mentor.

Many people who have had a mentor have attributed their success to that person. Mentors can help you achieve your goals faster and keep you accountable. They can share valuable experience that can cut your learning time in half.

19. Knowing your why.

When you know why you’re doing something, you will get what you want quicker than if you don’t. Having a purpose is essential to being successful in business and in life. Why do you want to be successful? Why do you really want to be wealthy?

20. Not giving fear the upper hand.

Everyone has fears. Successful people don’t allow their fears to limit or define them. Fear inevitably keeps you in the same position and stunts your growth. Recognize your fears and seek ways to overcome them. Interview someone you admire and ask that person how he or she overcame a fear or pick up an autobiography and take notes.

21. Upgrading skills.

If you want to get ahead, there’s only one way to do it: Become better at something than you are today. What’s the one thing you can focus on for the next 30 days that will catapult you to rock-star status in your industry? Focus your attention on that. I heard John Lee Dumas from Entrepreneur on Fire define “FOCUS” like this: Follow one course until success. Will you?

21 Ways to Achieve Wealth and Success

Related: How Entrepreneurs Can Read to Lead